Mattel today announced they’ve add “Social Media Douche Bag” to the list of Barbie’s professions. The new Barbie, which comes complete with it’s own iPhone, iPad and Twitter account will hit store shelves soon.
“This career just kind of happened.” notes Mattel product coordinator, Roberta Smith. “We had a ton of left over ‘Journalist Barbies’ and ‘Dental Hygenist Barbies’ and we had a quick look at where those folks were going when they were laid off, and there it was, ‘Social Media Douche Bag Barbie’.”
Smith notes that “It was surprisingly easy. When we started looking into the profession, we couldn’t really find anything they really did. We did consider adding a voice chip that would tell everyone to ‘join the conversation’ but in the end, we felt that less was more.”
The project was not without it’s problems:
- The new Barbie immediately monopolized access to the Barbie Dream Jet, flying around to conferences.
- There were internal problems, when SMDB Barbie tried to tell Computer Programmer Barbie “she didn’t get it” and that you could “make up for lack of revenue with scale.”
- SMDB Barbie had an annoying tendency to post confidential strategy on Twitter and Facebook. Even worse, it signed a consulting deal with Hasbro and began divulging Mattel secrets. Luckily, it had no real knowledge to share with the competition.
- The doll kept demanding large checks for doing nothing.
- The release date had to be postponed as SMDB Barbie “was presenting at SXSW” on the initial date.
If you’d like to own this doll, you should be aware there are some requirements for ownership:
- You must have high speed broadband. This doll uses bandwidth like you can’t believe, Twittering, Facebooking, and using virtually any other social network it can find. Except MySpace. Cuz it’s not cool anymore.
- You will be expected to wait in line at ToysRUs every time a new tech accessory is released. A new android phone? You’ll be buying it for her. A new Apple lappie comes out, you will be waiting in the snow to buy it for her.
- You must own the Barbie Dream Jet, Start UP CEO Ken, and the Barbie Dream Loft.
- You may NOT have Skipper or Computer Programmer Barbie. They are utterly incompatible.