In Praise of Assholes

This piece is in honor of the most under appreciated among us, the assholes.

You know of whom I speak, perhaps it’s that boss that relishes dumping a 3 day project on you at 2pm on Friday, ruining your weekend, maybe it’s that brother in law who reformatted the disk on your computer losing all your file, or perhaps its that neighbor who keeps slipping into your now denuded garage to borrow tools which somehow never find their way back..  For the lucky among us, it may even be a spouse.

Think about it, if it were not for the assholes among us, how would we ever truly appreciate the truly good?

  • Could we really savor our moments of triumph if they weren’t standing behind us telling us that our zipper was down?
  • What would we talk about endlessly if it weren’t for their antics?  Let’s face it, our good friends are honestly boring by comparison.
  • How much fun would it be if our plans all came off without a hitch?  Without the assholes, who would be there to trip you up once in a while, there by making the achievement of your eventual goal that much sweeter?
  • Where would we be if we were allowed to become so full of ourselves as we basked in the glow of our unimpeded march towards perfection.

Could we truly savor sweet, had we never tasted bitter? Would we appreciate light so much, had we never seen dark?

Indeed, I think we need to embrace those assholes among us, to reward them for that great service they provide.  So the next time one walks up to you, as they walk up, open your heart, throw wide your arms, then kick them in the nuts.  Just so they will feel your joy in the same manner in which you experience theirs…

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